i blew on a dandelion and the whole world disappeared

by American Pleasure Club

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all music, lyrics, production, by sam ray.
art by andy gibson

thank you for everything.


released December 24, 2017


all rights reserved



American Pleasure Club

American Pleasure Club is a Band from BALTIMORE, MD.

Formerly called "Teen Suicide" (among other names) they play a billion types of music & work feverishly, never stopping, never ending.


Booking ghorbal@apa-agency.com
MGMT - contact SAM @
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Track Name: loneliness (tape)
white truck parked
on a one way street
outside the house
with the cherry tree
three cruisers,
stand on the lawn
shouting "come out"
with their guns drawn
but we both know they won't

loneliness can make somebody go crazy

sorrow boy
i saw you on the train
with your head in your hands
i've felt the same
with your tired eyes
you looked just like me
and your hollow cheeks
you look like a dream that i forgot
i've felt that pain before
when my phone wouldn't ring
and i needed it to
it's the only thing

loneliness can make you go crazy
Track Name: keeping company (tape)
woke up & the room's a mess
i'd clean it up but i'm too stressed
i had a dream about you

i guess i got nowhere to go
it's been this way for a week or so
i'd get dressed, but why?
i'm wasting my time
aren't i? oh well
i don't mind

you could leave him if you
wanted to
but if not, i'll wait
i'm happy here
either way
i guess

now it's plain for anyone to see
we're just keeping company
i guess
Track Name: i'll get the car tonight (tape)
i'll get the car tonight
i'll call you
we'll go out for a drive
for a while, you ask me do i know
why it's still a crime
to feel a little bit less
than they want you to feel
i say i don't know

some days it's a lifetime
some mornings it's on my mind
what can you do
to see it through
Track Name: what we do with our spare time (tape)
i pick up free clothes
in dumbo
a friend of a friend
a means to an end

i try to guess
the devil's email
i come up short
of course, of course

i want to fuck
the space between us
will you let me call
tomorrow for a little while?

i do not know
i float, i float
twisting my arm
through the computer's jaw

i heard they shot
the sun from the sky
i didn't hear why
but i don't think i mind
Track Name: soft whispered prayer (tape)
springtime 2009
do you wanna come over?
we can both get high
we wash the car
for twenty dollars
and make a call
that nobody answers

eight years gone
it still goes on
i can't believe
what time's done to me
a tone of voice,
soft whispered prayer
like i'm down on my knees
begging a stranger
Track Name: to be unburdened longer (tape)
i'm a rainbow
at the end of the world ball,
we go
he's laughing
but not at me
he turns to leave

it's somebody's birthday
party i'm crashing
i hope that you're happy with me

i'd like to taste
something half as sweet
to be unburdened longer

it's somebody's birthday
party i'm crashing
i hope you're not angry with me
Track Name: when you split the heart open (tape)
you were in the kitchen
arguing with your mother
the sound of running water
& the heat from the oven

some days i go out walking
some days i just sit around
i cop whenever i gotta
as long as my man's around

they say the house isn't haunted
but light touches every wall
when you split the heart open
what comes out isn't blood
Track Name: in bare branched sycamore trees (tape)
Sometimes I feel like dropping
Down to my knees and weeping
Openly, my face pressed against
The dirt and fresh cut grass, but
Something keeps pulling me
Up, up until my feet dangle
Just above the lawn and I
Hang there like a newborn dog,
Limp and blind in my mother’s jaw

Two small shadows left running
Under branch, under street-light,
Shapes traced on the white skin
Of the moon, reminiscent of
My father’s face in the
Bathroom mirror, he shaved
Each morning, hot water
Running from the sink and
From the shower both
And me, sitting on the
Toilet beside him,
A falcon diving from
The top of a high rise,
Small meteor falling
Towards unknown prey.
All there ever was.
The morning dew
The sound of one
Hundred lawnmowers
Struggling to turn over
A low, slow humming
Resistance in
Every muscle’s
Sullen, sore
Rising from
A dream

What will not haunt
No house, no car
No breakfast bowl
Cereal, two coffee cup
Almond milk, check
Engine light, nausea,
‘I have not been here’
Or, ‘I have not been
home’, whose book
Is that you’re reading
Today, on the train
At the bus stop, or
On your lunch break
Do you remember
Watching the Columbia
Shuttle Disaster on TV?
Do you remember what
You did the night of
The Sikh Temple Shooting?
Man with gun,
White t-shirt.
What will not haunt
No house, yet
You wake up early
Before the sunrise,
In a cold sweat,
Anxious, there is no
Button to press,
No pill that will
Slow your heartbeat
This way, there is
Nothing left
To reach for

My grandmother is
Dying, my grandfather
Is dying too, and the
Cat is dying, there
Is love inside each
House and in every
Room and every
Chamber of your
Heart that the
Light touches,
You have a dream
Where you are
Answering phones for
A large corporation,
You never learn the
Name or what they do,
And you don’t know why
People are calling, but
You answer, every time
And every time there is
Only the faint sound of
An older lady weeping
You want to comfort
Her but you don’t
Know what to say
And you don’t know
What’s wrong, or
Why she’s calling you
So instead you think
To put her on hold,
Just for a moment,
Just long enough
To get some answers
But there is no button
To press, and no-one
You can find
To help you

I am in love and
It shows, I don’t
Want it to ever end.
My eyes light up like
A truck stop burning
My eyes light up like
An ambulance on fire
We throw rocks at
The ant hill in the yard
We take a flying fuck
At the moon

Josh died three times
That night in Midtown,
First at the bar, again
In his room, and finally
When his body hit
The street
I was waiting for a
Table at a sub-par
Mexican restaurant
When I got the call.
The church says the
Glow around a dying
Man is pink, but the
Bartender said it was
Closer to blue, and
I think I believe her
Blue is the color of
Love, sadness, longing,
But also of cool water
Touched by wind and
Bloodless skies after
A night of lightning and
Rain, blue is the
Color of solitude
Following the long
Quick fall out of
Love with someone
Who hurt you
Blue is not loneliness
Just as solitude is
Not loneliness,
I don’t know how
He felt that night,
Lonely or haunted
In the Four Seasons bar
They’ll remember him
In flowers and
Instagram captions,
I’ll see his face in
Bare branched
Sycamore trees

I’ve run out of money
Again, and it’s a
Reminder, I guess,
Of how very badly
I need to get up from
My place in the
Sun and sweep the floor
Vacuum the car
Wash the dishes in
The kitchen too
I met Nick in
California, only
Once, before they took
Down Hansa, He was
Very kind, though
His arms blistered in
The hot, ugly sun,
I saw, a few months
After that, someone looking
For him online – claiming to be
An ex lover, but most likely
Something different – we are
Very rarely what we say we are –
I hope, if he wants to be
Found, that they find him
And if he doesn’t, I hope
They search the whole
World twice over without
Seeing even a shadow of
His roadmap flesh

In my dream, I am
Sitting on the edge
Of a small, wooden
Boat rocking along
The gentle waves of
Lake Michigan again,
Like I am only thirteen
No cellphone, no hunger
No desires at all besides
For the day to never end
I don’t want to have to
Row to shore – I can
Barely see it

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