i don't know what i'm supposed to say to you
i don't know how i'm supposed to make it through
even if i could do it easily
all i ever wanted was to be
close to you

lately i don't know if i can make it
i'm dead broke, alone
watching HBOGO naked
i'm still sick, can't find
the strength to change it
nameless chalk body
face down on the pavement
my best known hobby is
probably sobbing, honestly
kicked out quik trip
or hanging out the car vomiting
finding new ways to bother
anyone still tolerant,
while whispering "whats worse"
to the ghost that's still haunting me

i don't know what i'm supposed to say to you
i don't know how i'm supposed to make it through
even if i could do it easily
all i ever wanted was to be
close to you

small town tragedies we bury
in the passing of time,
and the shut down chevron at night
somewhere beyond
resting rusted cars
stone churches, sports bars
football team america
dead pets buried in
makeshift cemeteries
under cherry trees,
or redbuds in bloom in spring
i am new to this,
i am a virgin to the world again
and at the soft touch of her
hand i unfurl my wings

if we spin it all backwards, this never happens,
you never hit me, i'm still laughing
not sobbing with my head on the sand
& small tremors running through the cracks in my hand
xxxxxx never stabbed, & i don't feel the absence
xxxxxx passed along when he mixed his dope & xanax
xxxx sticks around for his kids first day of classes
xxxx never takes that swan dive in manhattan
i'm not sobbing, i'm only laughing
i'm not crying, i'm just laughing